with thanks and apologies to Mr Mercury
Am I his real wife?
Is this just fantasy?
I’ve bought up the large size,
No escaping there’s Spam for tea.
Open your eyes,
Look at Stephen Fry and see
He’s not a poor boy,
He needs no sympathy
Because he’s easy come, easyjet,
Littlewoods, little bet
When he’s cleaning windows,
Nothing really matters to Steve
To Steve . . .
Stephen,
Just gone to shop,
Put my coin into the slot,
Took my trolley, off I trot
Stephen,
I have almost done,
(Better leave before my husband hits the roof . . )
Stephen,
Oo-oo-oo . . any way the wheels go . . .
Didn’t mean to make you wait,
If I’m not back by ten, just watch a movie . .
Carry On, Carry On . . . Doctor, Nurse or Up the Khyber
Midnight,
That time has come.
Got jelly down my thigh,
Strawberry mivvi in my eye
Lie back, think of England, this can’t go on
Gotta leek in my behind that faces south
Stephen . .
(Ooh ooh-ooh - did we close the windows?)
You used to be so shy
I sometimes wish you’d never watched porn at all . . .
(poncey electric guitar solo)
I see a little pink stiletto in the van,
Sharon Hughes, Sharon Hughes, did you do the hand tango?
Underpants and night things really quite enlightening me
Gallivanting, gallivanting,
Gallivanting, puff’n’panting,
Gallivanting, there she blows
Fellatio-oh-oh-oh
I’m just a poor wife,
Nobody loves me.
She’s just a poor wife from a poor family
Spare her some time and a nice cup of tea
He’s an ape. He’s a beast. Should’ve been a priest . . .
Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Still waiting for my tea!
Let me see!
I‘m going down the pub!
Watch TV!
Then maybe to a club!
Oh please don’t go oh-oh-oh!
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Sitting here, with a beer and Mamma Mia video!
He’s down the pub and there’s devilled eggs and Spam
For tea
For tea
For tea . . !
So you think you can treat me like some kind of slave?
And I don’t mean the times when we just misbehave!
Oh Stephen!
Just want something more even!
(Just gonna drink stout. Looks like we’re all right out of beer . . .)
(twiddly instrumental break)
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah . . .
Nothing really matters,
Easy to believe
Nothing really matters
‘cept beer and birds and ladders
To Steve . . .
When he’s cleaning windows . . .
(Dong!)
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Thursday, 6 August 2009
Bohemian Spam for Tea
with thanks and apologies to Mr Mercury
Am I his real wife?
Is this just fantasy?
I’ve bought up the large size,
No escaping there’s Spam for tea.
Open your eyes,
Look at Stephen Fry and see
He’s not a poor boy,
He needs no sympathy
Because he’s easy come, easyjet,
Littlewoods, little bet
When he’s cleaning windows,
Nothing really matters to Steve
To Steve . . .
Stephen,
Just gone to shop,
Put my coin into the slot,
Took my trolley, off I trot
Stephen,
I have almost done,
(Better leave before my husband hits the roof . . )
Stephen,
Oo-oo-oo . . any way the wheels go . . .
Didn’t mean to make you wait,
If I’m not back by ten, just watch a movie . .
Carry On, Carry On . . . Doctor, Nurse or Up the Khyber
Midnight,
That time has come.
Got jelly down my thigh,
Strawberry mivvi in my eye
Lie back, think of England, this can’t go on
Gotta leek in my behind that faces south
Stephen . .
(Ooh ooh-ooh - did we close the windows?)
You used to be so shy
I sometimes wish you’d never watched porn at all . . .
(poncey electric guitar solo)
I see a little pink stiletto in the van,
Sharon Hughes, Sharon Hughes, did you do the hand tango?
Underpants and night things really quite enlightening me
Gallivanting, gallivanting,
Gallivanting, puff’n’panting,
Gallivanting, there she blows
Fellatio-oh-oh-oh
I’m just a poor wife,
Nobody loves me.
She’s just a poor wife from a poor family
Spare her some time and a nice cup of tea
He’s an ape. He’s a beast. Should’ve been a priest . . .
Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Still waiting for my tea!
Let me see!
I‘m going down the pub!
Watch TV!
Then maybe to a club!
Oh please don’t go oh-oh-oh!
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Sitting here, with a beer and Mamma Mia video!
He’s down the pub and there’s devilled eggs and Spam
For tea
For tea
For tea . . !
So you think you can treat me like some kind of slave?
And I don’t mean the times when we just misbehave!
Oh Stephen!
Just want something more even!
(Just gonna drink stout. Looks like we’re all right out of beer . . .)
(twiddly instrumental break)
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah . . .
Nothing really matters,
Easy to believe
Nothing really matters
‘cept beer and birds and ladders
To Steve . . .
When he’s cleaning windows . . .
(Dong!)
Am I his real wife?
Is this just fantasy?
I’ve bought up the large size,
No escaping there’s Spam for tea.
Open your eyes,
Look at Stephen Fry and see
He’s not a poor boy,
He needs no sympathy
Because he’s easy come, easyjet,
Littlewoods, little bet
When he’s cleaning windows,
Nothing really matters to Steve
To Steve . . .
Stephen,
Just gone to shop,
Put my coin into the slot,
Took my trolley, off I trot
Stephen,
I have almost done,
(Better leave before my husband hits the roof . . )
Stephen,
Oo-oo-oo . . any way the wheels go . . .
Didn’t mean to make you wait,
If I’m not back by ten, just watch a movie . .
Carry On, Carry On . . . Doctor, Nurse or Up the Khyber
Midnight,
That time has come.
Got jelly down my thigh,
Strawberry mivvi in my eye
Lie back, think of England, this can’t go on
Gotta leek in my behind that faces south
Stephen . .
(Ooh ooh-ooh - did we close the windows?)
You used to be so shy
I sometimes wish you’d never watched porn at all . . .
(poncey electric guitar solo)
I see a little pink stiletto in the van,
Sharon Hughes, Sharon Hughes, did you do the hand tango?
Underpants and night things really quite enlightening me
Gallivanting, gallivanting,
Gallivanting, puff’n’panting,
Gallivanting, there she blows
Fellatio-oh-oh-oh
I’m just a poor wife,
Nobody loves me.
She’s just a poor wife from a poor family
Spare her some time and a nice cup of tea
He’s an ape. He’s a beast. Should’ve been a priest . . .
Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Still waiting for my tea!
Let me see!
I‘m going down the pub!
Watch TV!
Then maybe to a club!
Oh please don’t go oh-oh-oh!
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Sitting here, with a beer and Mamma Mia video!
He’s down the pub and there’s devilled eggs and Spam
For tea
For tea
For tea . . !
So you think you can treat me like some kind of slave?
And I don’t mean the times when we just misbehave!
Oh Stephen!
Just want something more even!
(Just gonna drink stout. Looks like we’re all right out of beer . . .)
(twiddly instrumental break)
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah . . .
Nothing really matters,
Easy to believe
Nothing really matters
‘cept beer and birds and ladders
To Steve . . .
When he’s cleaning windows . . .
(Dong!)
13 comments:
Bravissimo Edna, a masterpiece of BoSpam for the Bovril DeGeneration! You clearly have a Ready Mercurial wit!
ReplyDelete
With admiration as always
Walter- keith Lewes6 August 2009 at 20:28
Mrs Fry, do you happen to know how many of Stephen's six hundred thousand twitterers are actually him?
ReplyDelete - Anonymous6 August 2009 at 21:37
Brill, Mrs Fry really enjoyed that,you are amazing, very talented
ReplyDelete
Bravo!!!! - Anonymous7 August 2009 at 14:10
That was almost certainly the most atrocious thing I've ever seen. Good work, that... woman! Keep it up.
ReplyDelete
/grumpy 
Pam Ayres had best look to her laurels.
ReplyDelete
Do you do requests? Your take on Fat Bottomed Girls would be interesting.- Anonymous8 August 2009 at 23:00
That was powerful stuff Mrs Fry. Heartfelt and moving. I honestly wept.
ReplyDelete 
You've certainly captured all the post-modern angst in the room... and all in a sort of stream of consciousness way!
ReplyDelete
Freddy would be so proud. (Stephen not so much.)
- Anonymous25 November 2009 at 18:01
So much talent, in such a frail, svelte package...You've made us ("down-trodden wifes") proud dear Edna,...etc.:-)
ReplyDelete
@VesselinaTP Dear Mrs Fry,
ReplyDelete
I hope EMI don't try to sue you. They've threatened me cos I wrote a version called Bohemian Flapsody.
It was a tender, touching tribute to Catherine the Great and her 'favourite' horse.
Love
Madge's Vadge
xxx- Anonymous14 June 2013 at 16:27
Oh, damn! I still cry for I sing this every time I see it. And that's REALLY often!
ReplyDelete
That page of the book is constantly wet with tears :'(
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Bravissimo Edna, a masterpiece of BoSpam for the Bovril DeGeneration! You clearly have a Ready Mercurial wit!
ReplyDeleteWith admiration as always
Walter
Mrs Fry, do you happen to know how many of Stephen's six hundred thousand twitterers are actually him?
ReplyDeleteBrill, Mrs Fry really enjoyed that,you are amazing, very talented
ReplyDeleteBravo!!!!
That was almost certainly the most atrocious thing I've ever seen. Good work, that... woman! Keep it up.
ReplyDelete/grumpy
Pam Ayres had best look to her laurels.
ReplyDeleteDo you do requests? Your take on Fat Bottomed Girls would be interesting.
That was powerful stuff Mrs Fry. Heartfelt and moving. I honestly wept.
ReplyDeleteYou've certainly captured all the post-modern angst in the room... and all in a sort of stream of consciousness way!
ReplyDeleteFreddy would be so proud. (Stephen not so much.)
Amazing! You, dear lady, have a gift!
ReplyDeleteunbefuckinglievable!
ReplyDeleteit's an absolute masterpiece.
So much talent, in such a frail, svelte package...You've made us ("down-trodden wifes") proud dear Edna,...etc.:-)
ReplyDelete@VesselinaTP
Dear Mrs Fry,
ReplyDeleteI hope EMI don't try to sue you. They've threatened me cos I wrote a version called Bohemian Flapsody.
It was a tender, touching tribute to Catherine the Great and her 'favourite' horse.
Love
Madge's Vadge
xxx
Fantastic, Mrs. F.
ReplyDeleteOh, damn! I still cry for I sing this every time I see it. And that's REALLY often!
ReplyDeleteThat page of the book is constantly wet with tears :'(