Thursday, 6 August 2009

Bohemian Spam for Tea

with thanks and apologies to Mr Mercury

Am I his real wife?
Is this just fantasy?
I’ve bought up the large size,
No escaping there’s Spam for tea.

Open your eyes,
Look at Stephen Fry and see
He’s not a poor boy,
He needs no sympathy
Because he’s easy come, easyjet,
Littlewoods, little bet
When he’s cleaning windows,
Nothing really matters to Steve
To Steve . . .

Stephen,
Just gone to shop,
Put my coin into the slot,
Took my trolley, off I trot
Stephen,
I have almost done,
(Better leave before my husband hits the roof . . )
Stephen,
Oo-oo-oo . . any way the wheels go . . .
Didn’t mean to make you wait,
If I’m not back by ten, just watch a movie . .
Carry On, Carry On . . . Doctor, Nurse or Up the Khyber

Midnight,
That time has come.
Got jelly down my thigh,
Strawberry mivvi in my eye
Lie back, think of England, this can’t go on
Gotta leek in my behind that faces south
Stephen . .
(Ooh ooh-ooh - did we close the windows?)
You used to be so shy
I sometimes wish you’d never watched porn at all . . .

(poncey electric guitar solo)

I see a little pink stiletto in the van,
Sharon Hughes, Sharon Hughes, did you do the hand tango?
Underpants and night things really quite enlightening me

Gallivanting, gallivanting,
Gallivanting, puff’n’panting,
Gallivanting, there she blows
Fellatio-oh-oh-oh

I’m just a poor wife,
Nobody loves me.
She’s just a poor wife from a poor family
Spare her some time and a nice cup of tea


He’s an ape. He’s a beast. Should’ve been a priest . . .

Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Still waiting for my tea!
Let me see!
I‘m going down the pub!
Watch TV!
Then maybe to a club!
Oh please don’t go oh-oh-oh!
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Sitting here, with a beer and Mamma Mia video!
He’s down the pub and there’s devilled eggs and Spam
For tea
For tea
For tea . . !

So you think you can treat me like some kind of slave?
And I don’t mean the times when we just misbehave!
Oh Stephen!
Just want something more even!
(Just gonna drink stout. Looks like we’re all right out of beer . . .)

(twiddly instrumental break)

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah . . .

Nothing really matters,
Easy to believe
Nothing really matters
‘cept beer and birds and ladders
To Steve . . .

When he’s cleaning windows . . .
(Dong!)
 
 
 
 
 

14 comments:

  1. Bravissimo Edna, a masterpiece of BoSpam for the Bovril DeGeneration! You clearly have a Ready Mercurial wit!

    With admiration as always
    Walter

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mrs Fry, do you happen to know how many of Stephen's six hundred thousand twitterers are actually him?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brill, Mrs Fry really enjoyed that,you are amazing, very talented
    Bravo!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was almost certainly the most atrocious thing I've ever seen. Good work, that... woman! Keep it up.

    /grumpy

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pam Ayres had best look to her laurels.

    Do you do requests? Your take on Fat Bottomed Girls would be interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That was powerful stuff Mrs Fry. Heartfelt and moving. I honestly wept.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You've certainly captured all the post-modern angst in the room... and all in a sort of stream of consciousness way!

    Freddy would be so proud. (Stephen not so much.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Amazing! You, dear lady, have a gift!

    ReplyDelete
  9. unbefuckinglievable!
    it's an absolute masterpiece.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So much talent, in such a frail, svelte package...You've made us ("down-trodden wifes") proud dear Edna,...etc.:-)

    @VesselinaTP

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dear Mrs Fry,

    I hope EMI don't try to sue you. They've threatened me cos I wrote a version called Bohemian Flapsody.

    It was a tender, touching tribute to Catherine the Great and her 'favourite' horse.

    Love
    Madge's Vadge
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  12. I prefer to drink te frequently because i know have many properties like preserving health and youth, also stimulate diuresis and the most important thing remove fat. So drinking tea could help you look sexy and beautiful.

    buy viagra

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh, damn! I still cry for I sing this every time I see it. And that's REALLY often!
    That page of the book is constantly wet with tears :'(

    ReplyDelete

Thursday, 6 August 2009

Bohemian Spam for Tea

with thanks and apologies to Mr Mercury

Am I his real wife?
Is this just fantasy?
I’ve bought up the large size,
No escaping there’s Spam for tea.

Open your eyes,
Look at Stephen Fry and see
He’s not a poor boy,
He needs no sympathy
Because he’s easy come, easyjet,
Littlewoods, little bet
When he’s cleaning windows,
Nothing really matters to Steve
To Steve . . .

Stephen,
Just gone to shop,
Put my coin into the slot,
Took my trolley, off I trot
Stephen,
I have almost done,
(Better leave before my husband hits the roof . . )
Stephen,
Oo-oo-oo . . any way the wheels go . . .
Didn’t mean to make you wait,
If I’m not back by ten, just watch a movie . .
Carry On, Carry On . . . Doctor, Nurse or Up the Khyber

Midnight,
That time has come.
Got jelly down my thigh,
Strawberry mivvi in my eye
Lie back, think of England, this can’t go on
Gotta leek in my behind that faces south
Stephen . .
(Ooh ooh-ooh - did we close the windows?)
You used to be so shy
I sometimes wish you’d never watched porn at all . . .

(poncey electric guitar solo)

I see a little pink stiletto in the van,
Sharon Hughes, Sharon Hughes, did you do the hand tango?
Underpants and night things really quite enlightening me

Gallivanting, gallivanting,
Gallivanting, puff’n’panting,
Gallivanting, there she blows
Fellatio-oh-oh-oh

I’m just a poor wife,
Nobody loves me.
She’s just a poor wife from a poor family
Spare her some time and a nice cup of tea


He’s an ape. He’s a beast. Should’ve been a priest . . .

Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Me? I’m waiting for my tea!
Let me be!
Gorilla? Still waiting for my tea!
Let me see!
I‘m going down the pub!
Watch TV!
Then maybe to a club!
Oh please don’t go oh-oh-oh!
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Sitting here, with a beer and Mamma Mia video!
He’s down the pub and there’s devilled eggs and Spam
For tea
For tea
For tea . . !

So you think you can treat me like some kind of slave?
And I don’t mean the times when we just misbehave!
Oh Stephen!
Just want something more even!
(Just gonna drink stout. Looks like we’re all right out of beer . . .)

(twiddly instrumental break)

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah . . .

Nothing really matters,
Easy to believe
Nothing really matters
‘cept beer and birds and ladders
To Steve . . .

When he’s cleaning windows . . .
(Dong!)
 
 
 
 
 

14 comments:

  1. Bravissimo Edna, a masterpiece of BoSpam for the Bovril DeGeneration! You clearly have a Ready Mercurial wit!

    With admiration as always
    Walter

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mrs Fry, do you happen to know how many of Stephen's six hundred thousand twitterers are actually him?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brill, Mrs Fry really enjoyed that,you are amazing, very talented
    Bravo!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was almost certainly the most atrocious thing I've ever seen. Good work, that... woman! Keep it up.

    /grumpy

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pam Ayres had best look to her laurels.

    Do you do requests? Your take on Fat Bottomed Girls would be interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That was powerful stuff Mrs Fry. Heartfelt and moving. I honestly wept.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You've certainly captured all the post-modern angst in the room... and all in a sort of stream of consciousness way!

    Freddy would be so proud. (Stephen not so much.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Amazing! You, dear lady, have a gift!

    ReplyDelete
  9. unbefuckinglievable!
    it's an absolute masterpiece.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So much talent, in such a frail, svelte package...You've made us ("down-trodden wifes") proud dear Edna,...etc.:-)

    @VesselinaTP

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dear Mrs Fry,

    I hope EMI don't try to sue you. They've threatened me cos I wrote a version called Bohemian Flapsody.

    It was a tender, touching tribute to Catherine the Great and her 'favourite' horse.

    Love
    Madge's Vadge
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  12. I prefer to drink te frequently because i know have many properties like preserving health and youth, also stimulate diuresis and the most important thing remove fat. So drinking tea could help you look sexy and beautiful.

    buy viagra

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh, damn! I still cry for I sing this every time I see it. And that's REALLY often!
    That page of the book is constantly wet with tears :'(

    ReplyDelete